The decision to move aging adults out of the family home is a complex one -- both emotionally and practically. It requires a delicate balancing act between their safety and their emotional stake in staying put. Each of these is important, and helping them make the right decision (while remembering that as long as they are of sound mind, it's ultimately their decision) requires care and planning.
The basic questions to ask in considering a change in housing
Everyone is different, and the decision to move is an intensely personal one. But asking yourself, and those in your care, the following questions can help all of you navigate this difficult terrain.
• Have there been any accidents recently -- or close calls? Who responded, and how long did it take?
• Are activities of daily living getting harder? If the answer is yes, are you able to get in-home help with chores like shopping, cooking, or laundry?
• Are they becoming socially isolated? Lack of companionship can leave older adults more vulnerable to heart problems and other health conditions. If they no longer see friends or visit with neighbors, moving to a place where they would be around other people could actually be a lifesaver.
• Is the house clean and well cared for, and are basic home-maintenance tasks getting taken care of? If not, are they open to getting more in-home help, can they afford it, and do you know how to help them find it?
• Can someone check in on them on a regular basis? If a family member, friend, or neighbor isn't nearby and available to do this, are they willing to consider a home-safety alarm system or daily calling service?
• What's the plan for a worst-case scenario? If there's a fire, earthquake, flood, or other disaster, is someone nearby prepared to assist them?
• Are they clean and well-groomed? If, say, an older man has always been known for his crisply ironed shirts but starts looking disheveled, that may be a clue it's time for another level of support.
• What's in the refrigerator? Is the freezer full of TV dinners and the vegetable drawer empty? Has the milk gone sour? A quick look can tell you whether they're eating well or whether they'll do better someplace where trained staff could make sure they're getting balanced meals.
• How are the pets doing? What about the plants? Their ability to take care of other living things may offer clues to their ability to manage their own care.
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• How did those you're caring for weather their most recent illness (for example, a flu or bad cold)? Are they able and willing to seek medical care when needed, or did last winter's cold develop into untreated bronchitis?
• What does the doctor think? With appropriate permission, talk to their doctor. The doctor may share your concerns about their safety at home but may also be able to alleviate them.